Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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