all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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