i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
