Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
