a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
