Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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