so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
