good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
