it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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