Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
