Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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