he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't want my vagina anymore.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
