How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
