I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
