Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize