Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
