All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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