I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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