He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
