I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize