you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
