grandma shit on top of the toilet
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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