My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
