i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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