I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
