i need an iv and a liver transplant
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize