Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
