Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
