I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Alive.
So much puke
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
