if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
