So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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