i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
