just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
