come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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