just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
