Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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