i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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