My underwear smells like fireworks.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
