You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
