i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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