omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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