There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
