I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We left the knife in your bed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
