Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
