Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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