she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
