I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
