hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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