she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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