Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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