It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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