if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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