I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
