i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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