what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
