Non-Jews are for practice
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
