Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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