***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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