Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
