GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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