Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
