I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Pants are for mortals
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
