What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
