If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
