There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
